Happy birthday to Demi Moore, who turns 50 today! Yeah, seriously. That hot bitch is fifty years old, and I’m pretty jealous about it. I don’t know if you guys saw Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, but even if you didn’t, take a look at the picture at the top of the page of her coming out of the water with that surfboard so we can all agree that life isn’t fair. Although it is nice that in exchange for my fairly average looks and non-Hollywood body, I get to keep my sanity and stay out of the spotlight.

I guess that’s a pretty reasonable trade when you think about it. In the less-hot world that I live in, things are safer. Nicer. Less exciting, but also less being cheated on by my much younger husband and a stripper. But in case you can’t get enough of that kind of stuff, I figure you might want to do it up proper and celebrate Demi’s big day in style. It is the big 5-0 after all, so you might as well go all out. I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of coming up with some special ways to celebrate. Most of them are pretty flexible, so you could do them anywhere from a picturesque picnic, to a dive bar, to an ironic bounce-house. It’s up to you, but here are ten pieces of advice to best help you celebrate the 50th Annual National Cougar Day! Hope you’re having a great birthday, Demi! And let me just say again — damn girl, you lookin’ goooood.

Ashton Kutcher’s former missus has reached the half a century milestone and while she may not be shouting it from the rooftops, she certainly should. OK, so, her estranged (they’re still officially married) toyboy husband Ashton Kutcher has shacked up with the beautiful actress Mila Kunis-someone a whole lot younger than her, who he’s been friend’s with for years and is looking pretty settled with right now.Word has it she’s also fallen out with her daughters, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah over the split, with her daughters still maintaining contact with their step-dad.

Then there was the reported breakdown she suffered after the break-up and the weight loss which ensued from the heartbreak diet.

BUT, let’s not focus on that, because if we were Demi Moore we’d spend the Big 50 staring at our total awesomeness in the mirror, marvelling at the beauty before us.

Then we’d dress up our hot body belonging to a woman around 30 years younger, call up our best girl friends, get some cocktails down our neck and soak up all the attention from men young enough to be our sons, that we’d definitely be getting.

Or she could read some Kabbalah books and expand her mind, while sipping on a lemon and ginger tea and nibbling some seaweed (we have a feeling that might be more up her street).

Whatever Demi Moore does on her 50th birthday, she should definitely celebrate her super stunning self and here’s why.